I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
