well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
