i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
