people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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