Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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