He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
