I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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