can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
