Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
