I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
