Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
