Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
whose parrot is this?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
