conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
