I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
