Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
