you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
