i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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