We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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