just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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