Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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