Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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