I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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