I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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