so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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