I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
