If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
