Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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