Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
