Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
