need another drink. this is the easiest way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
PANTIES FOUND
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