glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
