You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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