Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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