sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
