She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
