an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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