I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
