its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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