By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
