this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
