its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
