Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She told me I should be a condom model.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
