okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Randomize
