Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
