So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
