Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
