go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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