Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
