i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
