Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
